What’s in a Name?

Do you know the origin story of your name? I was born Jayne Erin Smith. Family lore has 3 versions of my name’s origin story. One says it came from a long-lost great aunt named Sarah Jane and pronounced with 1 syllable (no one has actually found her in our ancestry searches). Another is that it came from a favorite resident advisor of my parent’s college named Janie and pronounced with 2 syllables. The third is that my parents couldn’t decide on a girl name until the week before my birth when one of them saw my name in the credits of a popular T.V. show. Spelled Jayne, which could be pronounced with either 1 or 2 syllables.

With the exception of a brief few weeks in 4 th grade, I have always been Jayne, pronounced the 2-syllable way. I’ve used different strategies to help others pronounce my name correctly. Jayne rhymes with Laney, Rainy, and Never Complainy. Jayne like the popular Aerosmith song Janie’s Got a Gun, but without the gun. At my undergrad graduation, I wrote it like this on my name card in hopes that the reader would say it right: Jay-knee.

In my career, there have been a few pivotal moments about my name. I graduated from a doctoral program within weeks of my first marriage (it didn’t last long). I’d already published as Jayne Erin Smith and in my field, another well-known educator had many publications with the same first and would-be-last married names. I also went back and forth on the name I’d use to publish my dissertation. I went with my birth name because that was the name I’d used for all the years I plugged away at my education. I wanted her to have the credit, not me with my soon-to-be married name.

Speaking of my soon-to-be-married name, I also grappled with legally changing it because of the unequal expectation that comes with only requiring the woman to change her name. The required change represents so many societal ills that I’ve dedicated my career to healing (like the fact that women were considered property of their husbands until 1900). Would changing my name for the sake of marriage make me complicit with oppression against women? However, at the time I didn’t have the greatest relationship with my dad, so part of me really wanted to give his name away.

In the end, I decided to have 4 names. Jayne Erin Smith Married (it wasn’t really Married, but for the sake of the story, you get the picture). My starter-marriage lasted about as long as it took to change my name in all the places. And ended just in time for me to have to change it all back. What a NIGHTMARE!

So when it came time to change it again, my thinking had shifted slightly. I knew the person I was marrying was My Person. But I was a bit skittish because of my past experience with all the name changing systems. Professionally, I continued to go by my birth name. My relationship with my dad improved. We had our daughter before we got married. It was important to my husband that she have his last name, but he agreed to 2 middle names of which one is Smith. (A Spanish cultural tradition I value is the given naming cadence that usually includes first, middle, father’s last name, mother’s last name. This cadence honors parents and family lineages in such a beautiful way.) I knew it was important to him that I take his last name, but he knew it was important to me to not simply change it because that’s the societal expectation. He never pushed me to automatically take his name (one of the many reasons he is My Person).

One random weekday 3 to 4 years into our marriage, I was driving to pick up our daughter. A spontaneous thought popped in my head. “I want to share their last name. They are My People. We have this beautiful life.” When I got home that night, I told my husband that I had a thought today. His eyes widened as he braced for my thought. (I have many extra-ordinary random thoughts that he is really great at entertaining and helping me not act on…like the time we had a small leak in our bathroom and I thought it would be a good time to do a full renovation and addition because why not? We had to address the little leak anyway. It just needed a new slip-joint nut with rubber washer…$3 vs. $TheSky’sTheLimit.) I shared that I was ready to change my last name and the reasons why. The joy that spread across that man’s face is something I will never forget.

That was 2022-ish. I changed it on social media that night. I printed out the paperwork from the courthouse the next day. COVID restrictions were still in place, so the timeslots to submit the paperwork were wonky for my schedule. Then life happened. Fast forward to July 16, 2024. The court was operating with normal hours including name change services. My paperwork was filed, fee collected, name change announcement submitted to the local paper (for publication for 4 consecutive weeks),and court date scheduled. Turns out when you aren’t changing your name at the same time as filing your marriage license, it takes a whole lot more time and money. I appeared in court on Friday the 13 th of September at 7:56AM. I walked out at 8:06AM legally Jayne Smith Dias.

I still have to do all the changes in all the places, which will come in time. I need to practice a new signature. My mental health is calmer…there is a peace that has settled in my heart knowing that we are The Dias Family.